One year ago today i found myself heavy, uncomfortable, excited, anxious and scared. I was past my due date and was praying to go into labor already! I couldn’t wait to get this baby out and meet her. I remember rolling over to get out of bed and so much discomfort. I had tons of pelvic pains because she was so heavy. My stomach was insanely large and tight and I just wanted to give birth.
Fast forward till now and I cannot believe I have been a mom for nearly one full year. It has been the most incredible and difficult year thus far. I literally cannot equate this year to any other year of my life. I am so happy that Emma is alive and so are we lol. I mean it’s been THAT real. So many ups and downs, so many tears – sad tears and happy tears alike.
In the beginning it was a huge struggle getting used to being parents. Jonathan struggled with becoming a dad and bonding, I struggled with all the responsibilities of keeping it together period. I remember us waiting so long to have a baby because we wanted to be “ready” ha! I laugh now thinking back at the notion of being ready to become parents because you’re honestly never ready, I think. Don’t get me wrong, I am very glad we waited to be financially ready and I think we were as ready as one can be to be parents and we were still honestly not ready. You’re entire life changes, not so much bad because its not, but a simple thing like eating becomes difficult. It is a very weird thing when you become parents because everything you were accustomed to is no longer a thing. You eat, breathe, think, dream about your child.
This year has brought us closer as a family, we’re a unit :). We have grown closer than we have in our years of marriage. We have been through super tough times and super exciting times. Boy what a year it’s been!
As I sit at work I can’t stop thinking about my little Em. How has it nearly been one full year? I can still remember the very first time the nurse handed her over to me as it was one of the most amazing moment of my life. Her scrawny little face and her newborn smell – there’s literally nothing in this world more intoxicating than the smell of your newborn. She was huge for a newborn but she was so tiny compared to now. I just can’t believe it.
Emma will be one in 11 days and honestly, I’m freaking out. If I think about it too much, I cry. Literally. In my entire 30 years of life I’ve never endured a year with so many emotions and yes, although some were very sad and dark there have been an overwhelming amount of light and bright emotions. She has brought so much happiness into my life that I thought was not possible. Our pediatrician said something one day that still resonates with me and that was that love is not a big enough word to describe what you feel for your child. He’s so right!
Love is such a minut description of what one feels for their child.
those squishy little cheeks that you can’t help but kiss 5,000 times a day.
those chunky little legs and feet.
those huge, amazement-filled eyes.
those tiny hands.
that tiny human being that is evolving into their very own self.
I love her so much and I hope she grows up feeling and knowing just how much I love her and how much she fills our lives.
Sorry guys, I’ve been in my feels!
So I work in the city every Tuesday and when I got home last week my baby girl was waiting for me standing by herself on our lawn!
Standing. By herself, no help!
Where is time going? Of course I didn't even try to get a picture because I was so focused trying super hard not to cry on our lawn lol.
Why is time going so fast?! I just can't get over how bittersweet this whole parenting thing is. Sorry, I know I sound like a broken record but come on, any other parent would tell you the same thing.
How cute are these two?!